The days
dragged by so slowly for the month Ben was gone. I was hurting a lot more so
Tom was constantly making me lie down and rest. One day he was gone for most of
the day with a photo shoot and interviews. The only way he would leave me there
alone was if I swore to lie on the sofa most of the day and rest. He made
Robert swear to call me at least twice through the FaceTime app so he could
check on me since he only lived twenty minutes away. Tom called me four times.
Of course, I didn't lie on the sofa the whole time; I cleaned the entire house.
Tom was mad at me when he got back and saw how clean everything was. He
canceled all future interviews since I couldn't be trusted to rest. I was going
absolutely mad being indoors all the time. I finally convinced Tom to take a
short walk on the beach with me and to sit in the wet sand while the water
rushed in over us.
He sat behind me with his legs
around me and held me close while I leaned against him. He loved to put his
arms around me and rub my huge belly. The girls' were particularly active today
and he enjoyed it. He loved to feel them move around and kick. He wore a smile
of happy contentment. He was so excited about being a father. As much as I
still loved Ben, I began to hope they were Tom's daughters. I would not want to
see the look of devastation I knew he would have if he was told they weren't
his. I had already discussed the paternity test with the doctor and he agreed
to collect the samples immediately after birth and rush the test because they
were likely to be premature and he would need to know whose genetics and family
history he would be working with in the event that something was wrong with
them.
I started seeing the doctor weekly
to monitor my blood pressure and the pains I was having. The closer I got to
the thirty-two week mark, the higher my blood pressure was creeping and the
more intense the pain was becoming. There was still four days before Ben was
due back in California and Tom didn't want to call him to let him know the
situation. He thought it was unnecessary, but I was worried I'd end up needing
an emergency C-section soon. I tried texting Ben all day, but he didn't
respond. I finally got Tom out of the house to take a jog on the beach so I
could call Ben. It was two in the morning in London, but it was the only chance
I was going to get since Tom was on my butt like a freckle all day long;
besides Ben said to call him if there was a chance they'd be born before he got
back. It went to voice mail the first two times I called, but I kept hanging up
and calling again. He answered after the first two rings on the third time I
called. He was grouchy and half asleep when he greeted me with, "It's
after two in the morning, this better be fucking important!"
"Ben, it's Claire. I'm sorry to
call you so late..."
He was immediately more alert as he
cut me off, "Is it the babies? Are you in the hospital?"
"I have a strong suspicion I
will be before you get back here in four days. My blood pressure has been high
and I've already been given an injection to stop labor pains once."
"Why the hell didn't Tom call
me when that happened?"
"It was just a couple of days
ago and he didn't want to bother you since you'd be back soon anyway. He thinks
I'm worried over nothing, but I have a feeling they're going to be born any day
now."
"I'm calling the airline as
soon as you hang up and getting on the first available flight. Try to hold on
Darling; I'll be there soon."
"Then I better go now so you
can call them."
We both said our good-byes and I
hung up. He called me back thirty minutes later, while Tom was in the shower,
to tell me he was on a flight that was leaving at five in the morning, London
time. He also said that he'd just take a taxi or Uber from the airport to the beach
house so there was no need for anyone to come pick him up. He promised that
he'd be there with me the next morning. I didn't tell Tom that I'd called him,
instead I said that Ben had texted me earlier in the day and would be arriving
in the morning.
"Oh, he's coming in early? I'm
surprised he didn't let me know so I could pick him up at the airport."
"He said there's no need to,
he'd just take a taxi. He knows you're worried about me and didn't want to keep
you away from me for too long since traffic can be horrendous."
"That is true. Did he happen to
say why he changed his plans?"
"Nope, he didn't mention
it."
Tom didn't question me further. We
ate dinner together soon after and I went to bed early since I wasn't sleeping
well and was feeling tired. It was a couple more hours before I felt Tom climb
into bed next me, lean over and kiss my cheek before settling down close to me
with his hand on my hip. He loved to sleep close to me, touching me in some
manner. I'd never had a man who did that before and I found it a bit unnerving.
I soon rolled over and snuggled in as close to him as I could get with my
protruding watermelon of a belly. He shifted slightly so he could move his
upper body closer to me. The girls suddenly started kicking in response to the
outside pressure on my belly. Tom said, "Your little occupants clearly do
not want other siblings to come after them."
I giggled and replied, "Why do
you say that?"
"They are kicking me right in
the balls!"
I broke out in a fit of giggles. He
shifted some so he was safely out of range and kissed my forehead. "Go
back to sleep Darling. I didn't mean to wake you."
"I wasn't really asleep, just
resting. It's so hard to fall asleep these days."
"Is there something I can do to
help you sleep? Maybe sing you a lullaby? Read you a bed time story?"
I giggled again and replied, "I'm
not three Thomas!"
He laughed softly and said,
"Well, technically you are: one Clarice and two little girls inside; that
makes three. I'm not that bad at math!"
"You're definitely a
smartass!"
"Wouldn't you rather I be a
smartass than a dumbass?"
"Oh dear Loki! You've
definitely been around me far too long! You're starting to repeat some of my
quips!"
"We both knew it would happen
eventually. You're just too charming not to rub off on the people around
you."
"Charming? Is that the new PC
way of saying I'm a bitch?"
"You most certainly are not a
bitch! You can be stubborn and temperamental at times, but you have a very
passionate nature. You're never lukewarm about anything. You either love it,
hate it or couldn't care less. You do take some getting used to and weaker
minded people can't handle you. You also have an uncanny ability to see right
through anybody's attempt at lying to you and that scares a lot of people. I
happen to love your passionate nature; you don't scare me, though you often impress
the hell out of me. I really admire your strength, but I have to confess that I
loved you even more after you confessed to me that you have trouble with
letting people in and broke down and cried hysterically in my arms. It made
realize you really need me. You might enjoy Ben's fiery lovemaking, but you
need a man who can hold you when you cry and not think any less of you for
needing to do it. I know you're strong and that's very much your nature, but
it's OK to be vulnerable sometimes too. I'll never get upset with you for
showing me that side. Ben has only ever seen your fiery side; I've seen both.
I've seen the whole picture and you've never shown it to him have you?"
"No I haven't. I don't like
feeling vulnerable."
"Are you afraid to show it to
him? Do you think he'll think less of you?"
"There really hasn't been the
opportunity for him to see that side of me. I wouldn't say that I'm afraid to
show it to him. I really don't know how he would feel about it and I'm not
going to put words his mouth."
"I'm OK with seeing all you
have and all that you are. Being completely honest with me about everything
will never change my opinion of you. I love you and I can accept all that comes
with it. I know you've been hurt in the past and you still hurt a lot inside. I
can't promise you that I can take it all away, but I'm willing to try to get
rid of as much of it as I can. I want you to have happiness in your heart and
soul. You are a wonderful woman and you deserve it."
I couldn't help but start to cry. He
said all these wonderful things to me, but he wasn't the man that had my heart.
I love Ben and I wanted to be laying there in his arms and I wanted these sweet
words to come out of his mouth. Tom held me tight and kissed my forehead
repeatedly. He kept softly telling me to just let go of all of the pain so I
wouldn't hurt anymore. I ended up crying until my well of tears ran dry again
and soon fell into a fatigued sleep.
**********
He awakened me the next morning with
tender kisses on my face. Once my eyes finally fluttered open, he kissed my
lips gently. As I woke up more, he initiated more passionate kisses. He soon
moved down to my neck and collarbone, kissing everywhere. He finally removed my
short nightgown and began gently kissing and suckling my enlarged breasts.
Several minutes later he paused to say, "Can we? Is it safe to still be
doing that?"
"Please Tom, I really don't
want to. I'm too uncomfortable."
"Oh, you mean because you're so
far along?"
"It's not just that...Tom, I
don't..."
He put his fingers over my lips and
said, "Don't say it. It's not true. You do love me, you're just scared and
confused. I'm going to go get you a cold drink and make you breakfast. That
will help you feel better."
He kissed me and then dressed so he
could go get me a glass of ice water. After he brought it to me, he went back
to the kitchen to make breakfast. Not long after he left, I got up and dressed.
I took my glass of water and joined him in the kitchen. I saw by the clock
above the stove that it was after ten; Ben should be arriving soon. I sat on
one of the stools at the counter and watched Tom as he made French toast.
"You got out of bed too soon! I
was going to serve you breakfast in bed."
"Sorry Darling, but my side was
hurting from laying so much. I really needed to get up and move around. I've
rested so much lately that I'm sore in places I'd forgotten I have."
He served me a few slices of French
toast just as the doorbell rang. He went to answer it as I started eating. It
was Ben of course. He immediately walked into the kitchen and gave me a hug
while asking how I was feeling. It felt so good to have his arms around me. I
didn't want him to let go.
"I'm fine Ben. My blood
pressure is up some, but I'm still holding on to them."
Tom went back to finishing up the
French toast. Ben helped himself to a couple of slices and sat on one of the
other stools next to me. Tom asked why he was back early.
"I wasn't really doing
anything, so I thought I'd make sure I was here in case Clarice went into labor
or the doctor decided they have to be born now," he replied.
He wasn't admitting to Tom that I
had called him. I suddenly blurted out that I had called him because I was
concerned that I'd end up needing a C-section at any time and I knew he wanted
to be here for it.
"Oh, well that makes sense I
guess. All you had to do was be honest. Besides, the sooner we get the
paternity test done, the better. We'll all be able to move on with our
lives," Tom replied.
I detected a bit of controlled
hostility in Tom's voice. I hoped there wasn't going to be any drama. I was too
far along and too cranky for such crap. I finished eating then waddled off to
the bathroom. I could hear them talking with a more friendly sound as they ate
and chatted about whatever Ben had been doing in England.
While I was in there, I noticed my
panties seemed excessively wet, but I was a bit hot so maybe I'd just been
sweating. I changed them and my shorts before I went back to the kitchen to get
a second glass of ice water. Tom gave me a kiss and told me to go sit down in
the living room and relax; he'd clean up the kitchen. I went off the living
room and laid down on the sofa while I searched through the channels on the
television. I started to experience some cramp-like discomfort, but nothing too
severe.
The boys soon wandered into the
living room. Ben sat down in the chair near my head while Tom took the end of
the sofa, picking up my feet so he could sit down and then placing them in his
lap. I had found reruns of my favorite comedy about a nanny and widowed father
of three living in New York City on one of the cable networks. Halfway through
the second episode, Tom nudged my leg and said, "Darling I think you need
to go change your shorts, they're soaked."
"What? You're kidding me!
That's the second time today! What in the hell is wrong with me?"
"I'm not joking Darling, you
have an enormous wet spot on the back. Since they're pink it's quite
noticeable."
I groaned and got up to go to the
bedroom to get clean clothes before going to the bathroom. While I was
changing, I examined the shorts and panties closely. It was then that I
realized I could feel quite a bit of moisture on my thighs. There was only one
thing that caused this. I put a maxi pad between my body and panties this time.
I then pulled on the beige maternity shorts and went back to the living room. I
stood in the doorway to announce, "Guys, I think there's a problem."
Both heads whipped around toward me
so quickly it was comical. I went on, "I think my water broke."
Tom immediately grabbed his phone to
call the doctor, while Ben guided me back to the sofa to sit down. I could hear
Tom on the phone with the doctor's office while Ben said, "Isn't it a
little early for this?"
"I'll say it is! About two
months too early! There must be something wrong."
Tom soon returned dressed in jeans
and sneakers with my duffle bag on his shoulder and my slip on sandals in his
hands. "Your doctor wants you at the hospital now honey. He's concerned
enough that he'll be meeting us there. Are you having contractions?"
"I feel a little crampy, but it
doesn't feel like contractions."
"I hope the traffic isn't bad
today," Tom mused as I put on my sandals.
Ben led me to the car in the garage
while Tom made certain everything was turned off and locked up. Ben had
insisted I sit up front in the passenger seat as it was easier for me to get
into. He climbed in the back while Tom exited the door, making certain it was
locked. He opened the garage door before getting into the driver's seat. After
backing the car out of the garage, he hit the button to close it, making
certain that it did before he backed out of the driveway. It took almost an
hour to get to the hospital due to traffic. I didn't feel like I was
experiencing contractions even though I was still uncomfortable.
Tom made use of the valet parking so
he would be with me the entire time. I had Tom on my right and Ben on my left
as we entered the hospital and went to the information counter. We were
directed to labor and delivery on the seventh floor. I ended up in a wheelchair
at Tom's insistence while we also had an escort by a nurse and two security
guards. Apparently my doctor had sent them to the desk to wait for us to
arrive.
As soon as we arrived at the seventh
floor labor and delivery area, I was taken to a private room and given a
hospital gown to change into. I quickly changed and got settled in the bed so
the nurse could hook me up to the monitors and check to see if it was amniotic
fluid leaking from my body. The little yellow paper strip turned a dark blue as
soon as she wrapped it around her gloved finger and swabbed my vagina. After
showing me the strip, she said, "I'll go let your doctor know it was
positive. I'm sure he'll be in to see you soon."
She left the room and Tom pulled a
chair up close to the bed and held my right hand. "Are you all right
Darling? Are you having contractions?"
"I still just feel some minor
cramping pains. I'm physically OK, but I'm worried about the babies being born
so early."
"So am I Darling, but we have
to think positive and hope for the best."
Ben was pacing around the room like
a caged tiger who desperately wanted to be free. The doctor finally entered the
room and announced he was going to go ahead and do the C-section since I was
clearly in labor. He also gave us the speech about how premature the babies are
and how their lungs might not be fully developed; the usual warnings about the
complications and risks of babies who are born early. The guys asked a few
questions, but I didn't have any because I'd been through this before. Ben also
asked if both of them would be allowed in the operating room. The doctor said
it was usually only one other person in there with the patient but considering
our circumstances he agreed to make an exception as long as they both stayed
near my head and out of the way.
He left after they finished their
questions. Not long after a young nursing assistant entered with scrubs for the
guys to change into. She passed them out and explained the procedure of
covering the shoes and head. Judging by the way her voice trembled and she kept
staring, I would say she recognized them both. Just before she left, she
finally gushed out, "You're Tom Hiddleston, aren't you?"
"Yes I am."
"Oh my gosh! Can I get a
picture with you?"
"Now's really not a good time.
Maybe after my girlfriend delivers the babies and all the excitement has died
down a bit."
She looked around the room like she
suddenly realized where she was and that there was a woman there about to give
birth. Ben looked annoyed, but I could clearly see he was checking her out. She
blushed and said, "Oh of course! I'm so sorry, that was a bit rude I
guess."
She quickly rushed from the room and
Ben admired her butt with a small smile on his lips. I felt the pangs of
jealousy and shot him a dirty look, but he didn't catch it. He then got up to
go to the bathroom to change. While he was gone and the room empty, Tom quickly
changed too. Soon they were both ready to go and getting impatient. A nurse
finally entered and put an IV in my arm. Shortly after she left, the
anesthesiologist came to talk to me about the spinal block he was going to do.
He was relieved to know I'd had it before so I was familiar with it and
wouldn't freak out. Another fifteen minutes passed before they finally came to
get me to take me to the operating room. The boys followed behind, but had to
wait outside until I'd been numbed and prepped.
Everything went quickly and smoothly
from my injection to the rest of the prepping. The boys were finally brought in
and ushered next to me, by my head. Tom sat on the stool next to my arm while
Ben stood directly behind him until someone brought in an extra stool. The
anesthesiologist had him move to the other side of my arm so he wouldn't be in
the way. Tom kept rubbing my arm the whole time trying to reassure me. Through
my oxygen mask I told him, "It's OK Tom, I've been through this before.
I'm not concerned for me, I'm worried about the babies."
"You've been through this, but
I haven't. I'm nervous enough for both of us."
Ben
chatting a little bit with the anesthesiologist as he watched my monitors and
checked my blood pressure reading every five minutes. I could feel the strange,
yet familiar tugging sensations around my abdomen as the doctor gained access
to my uterus so he could remove the tiny babies. A few more minutes passed until
I heard him say, "Here's number one!"
It was followed quickly by the faint
cries of my newborn daughter. I turned to watch Tom's and Ben's reactions. I
could see the surprise in their eyes over the white face masks that covered
their mouths and noses. Ben watched with rapt attention as they took the first
baby girl over to the warming bed to clean her up some, check her over and take
all of her measurements. One of the nurses said, "Does Dad want to come
over?"
Ben and Tom looked at each other and
Tom gestured with his head. Ben sprang up and went over to the baby. We then
heard the doctor announce baby two was out while she softly cried. She was no
sooner taken to the other table then Tom jumped up to go to her. It's amazing
how quickly dear ol' Mom is forgotten about once the babies are out. I had
trouble seeing well because of the equipment in the way, but I soon saw Ben
standing there with the baby in his arms and an enormous smile partially hidden
by the mask he still wore. I then saw a nurse approach him with a swab in hand,
pull down his mask briefly while she swabbed his cheek. She capped it then
wrote his name on the label with my identification information. I then saw her
approach Tom with a swab and repeat the action. By this point, Tom was holding
the other baby in his arms. I then realized nurses were taking pictures for
them with their camera phones. I turned away from the whole scene and closed my
eyes as the tears I'd been holding back finally began to slide down my cheeks.
My heart felt like it was racing and I soon heard alarms going off and shouting
around me, before I lost consciousness.
**********
When I came to, I was in the
recovery area. Ben was next to me holding my hand. I made a noise and tried to
move the oxygen mask so I could speak and ask what happened. He grabbed my hand
to stop me while saying, "Oh no you don't. That needs to stay right there
Miss."
My mouth was dry and with much
effort I managed to ask what happened.
"Apparently
your blood pressure suddenly dropped and you passed out. It scared the crap out
of everyone including Tom and I. They put the babies in their bassinets, took
them down to the nursery and kicked us out."
"Where are the girls? Are they
OK?"
"They're tiny and are on oxygen
tubes, but their lungs seem to be OK. The doctor just wanted to be sure they
were getting enough for right now because they were a little blue tinged when
they first came out and they didn't quickly recover."
A nurse soon came over and removed
my oxygen mask to replace it with a nasal cannula. She said I would be taken to
my room soon. I thanked her and then asked Ben how long I was out. "It
wasn't long Darling. The girls are only about twenty minutes old."
"So why are you here instead of
in the nursery with them?"
"I felt one of us should stay
with you until you woke up and Tom didn't want to do it. I'm sure there's a
story there that you're going to have to share with me when you're feeling more
up to it. Tom is with the babies in the nursery. The doctor put some kind of
major rush order on the paternity testing so we should actually know by
tomorrow morning at the absolute latest. Since they were so early he wanted to
be prepared for anything that may go wrong."
"How much did they weigh?"
"I'm not more than passingly familiar with the
American weight system, but the nurse said they were just over three pounds
apiece. I'm assuming that has more meaning to you, than me?"
"It means they are both tiny
babies," I replied as tears came to my eyes.
Before I could ask any more
questions, two attendants arrived to take me to my hospital room. I was taken
back to the same room I had been in before. Once I was transferred to the bed,
they left and Ben sat down next to me in a chair.
"Now that I'm awake, you should
go be with your daughters. I won't be able to go down to see them until the
anesthesia wears off at the earliest."
"Oh that reminds me," he
said as he pulled out his iPhone.
He unlocked the screen as he moved
to sit on the bed next to me to show me pictures of the babies. They looked so
tiny in his and Tom's arms. There were even photos of them holding both babies
in their arms. They looked so happy with those tiny angels in their arms. It
broke my heart to think one of them was going to end up broken hearted because
they weren't his daughters. For now though, they were both happy. After he
finished showing me the pictures, he gave me a kiss on the forehead and went
off to the nursery to be with his daughters. Since I was still totally numb
from my breasts down to my toes, I had nothing to do so I dozed off.
*************
I awakened three hours later when a
nurse came in to check on me. Since I had regained all feeling in my legs and
the rest of my lower body, she removed the urinary catheter and offered to take
me down to the nursery in a wheelchair so I could see my babies. I got up from
the bed, slowly and walked two steps to carefully sit in the wheelchair that
had been covered with a sheet and a thick absorbent pad in case I bled out from
the pad I was wearing. She covered my legs with a light blanket, moved my IV
bag while temporarily unhooking my morphine machine and then started out of the
room. As she wheeled me down to the nursery, she gabbed on about Ben and Tom
and how they'd been sitting in the nursery all this time with the babies who
were in warming beds as a precaution because they were so early. They had even
been allowed to hold the babies and give them their first bottles.
"Don't worry though Mom. We
took lots of pictures for you. I almost wish both of those guys were the fathers.
They're both so happy with those little girls," she stated as she stopped
outside the doors to open them.
Another nurse came out to hold the
door open so she could maneuver the chair inside of the room. I was greeted by
a most unexpected sight: Tom and Ben were both sitting in rocking chairs next
to each other, shirtless with a baby laying on their chests. The babies were
covered with blankets, but most of the naked upper half of the guys was clearly
visible. The three nurses in the room seemed to be enjoying that sight as well.
Why wouldn't they be? Tom and Ben were both gorgeous. I looked between the men
and the nurses, smirked and said, "Whose brilliant scheme was it to get
these two sexy Brits half naked?"
Tom blushed, but Ben piped up and
said, "Actually it was my idea. Since we all assumed the babies would be
premature, I did some research on premature babies while I was in England. I
read about skin-to-skin contact and all of the wonderful benefits it could
provide preemies. It can lower their blood pressure, normalize their breathing
and blood sugar levels, as well as be very soothing so that it lowers their
stress levels and the corresponding hormones. It doesn't have to be just the
mother that does it either; they will benefit as much from their fathers. I'm
the one that talked the nurses into doing it. Apparently it's not widely done
in the States."
For once in my life, I didn't have a
smartass reply. I was surprised that Ben knew this or that he bothered to
research it; it was a very pleasant surprise. I gazed at Tom briefly who just
smiled and winked. Ben went on, "You may be the experienced parent here,
but I'm not completely ignorant of babies. If there's a chance I could be a
Daddy, I want to be a good one. Now are you just going to sit there admiring
the view, or are you going to take pictures of this adorable scene?"
I laughed as I took his phone and
snapped a few pictures. I even got a really good one of him leaning over and
kissing her tiny head. I then took more pictures with my camera, even though
Ben promised to send me all of the ones he took. I wanted so much to hold one
of my daughters, but they were both so happy that I kept quiet and let them
enjoy it for as long as possible. I'd never seen such looks of contented joy on
their faces. It was a beautiful sight to see.
Our happiness was soon interrupted
by my doctor. "I should have known I'd find everyone in here. I have the
results of the paternity test and well...it was quite unexpected."
All three of us froze and stared at
him. I felt my heart rate pick up and I wouldn't be surprised if the guys felt
the same. The doctor went on while looking at the papers in his hands,
"I've never actually seen this in my entire career, though we did discuss
it briefly in medical school. It's just so rare that no one really talks about
it much. Have any of you heard of heteropaternal superfecundation?"
We all looked at each other
confused. Ben chimed in, "I'm assuming it has something to do with
fathering a child?"
"It's something that can occur
when a woman's body releases two eggs at the same time and each one gets
fertilized by a different man's sperm. The resulting babies are fraternal twins
with different biological fathers."
Tom looked down at the baby against
his chest and said, "You mean we each fathered one of the babies?"
"Yes, that's exactly what I
mean," he looked down at the papers in his hands then said, "Baby A
genetic match for Tom Hiddleston."
Tom looked
down at the hospital band around his wrist and saw he was in fact tagged for
baby A; the one he was holding. The doctor went on, "While baby B is
genetic match for Benedict Cumberbatch. Congratulations guys, you each have a
daughter."
The doctor handed them the test
result pages before leaving the room. They sat staring alternately between the
papers and the babies on their chests. Finally Ben said, "Wow! I didn't
expect this outcome."
"Isn't fraternal twins the one
that runs in families?" Tom asked, looking at me.
"Yes it is. The ability of a
woman to produce two ovum at the same time is a genetic trait. I had always
heard that my maternal great-grandmother had twins that died shortly after
birth, but no one had ever confirmed it as truth. No one else in my family has
ever had twins that I know of anyway, so I always assumed it wasn't true."
"Well apparently it does run in
your family, it's just not frequent."
Ben was quiet the entire time. He
was holding his daughter and that fact brought an enormous smile to his face.
He leaned over and kissed her tiny head repeatedly as he softly said, "Did
you hear that Jocelyn? I really am your Daddy. I get to keep you because you're
mine."
Tom kissed the other baby's head and
said, "I guess that makes you my little Morgana."
Both of them were happy now that
they each had a daughter and I wouldn't have to deal with either of them being
heartbroken, yet I was the one who felt heartbroken. I had brought them into
this world and I had yet to get to hold either one of them. Judging by the
happy contentment of both of them, I wasn't going to get to anytime soon. I was
fighting not to cry; I guess my hormones were getting out of control again. I
turned around to find the nurse who had brought me in and asked to go back to
my room. She hesitated and I said, "Please take me back, I'm really starting
to hurt. I want to lay down and rest."
I lost the battle and started to
cry. The nurse finally moved to get my chair and push me back to my room. She
helped me get settled back in bed and started the morphine pump. I curled up
and cried for a while. It was at least fifteen minutes before Tom appeared in
my room. He sat next to me on the bed and moved the hair back from my eyes.
"What's wrong Darling?" He asked innocently.
I got mad. "What's wrong?
Seriously? They're my daughters too Thomas! You two have been with them since
they were born and I didn't even get to hold one of them!"
"I'm sorry Darling. You should
have said you wanted to hold them."
"Why the hell else would I be
down there? I gave birth four hours ago and I went to the nursery without my
freaking pain medication. What the hell did you think I was there for?!"
He tried to comfort me, but I was
too angry with him. "GET OUT!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM RIGHT NOW!!"
He seemed startled by my outburst.
"OK Darling, I'm leaving."
I broke down and cried again after
he left. I'd been so stressed out for so long and now with my hormones changing
post-partum...I was a total emotional mess. Sometime later, a different nurse
came to my room, checked me over and then left to return with a wheel chair all
decked out in sheet and thick pad like that other had been. "What on Earth
is that for?" I asked.
"It's for you to go see your
babies at the nursery. We can't bring them to you yet and they need their
Mommy," she replied.
"Aren't they a little too small
to be able to nurse? My other preemie couldn't do it."
"Don't worry, we'll bring in
the breast pump if you'd like to still provide them with breast milk. That's
not what you're needed for; you're needed because they're your babies."
"Tell it to the baby hogging
duo!" I retorted angrily.
"I did and they're both sorry
for it. They are completely enamored with those babies and didn't even realize
what they were doing. You're a veteran Mom aren't you? They are clearly first
time Dads."
"I have a son. He lives with
his father in Miami because I work a lot and he loves his private school. I
didn't have the heart to force him to come out here with me when he's so happy.
He just turned ten last month."
"I thought so. They are both
remorseful and want to make it right. Now get into the wheel chair so you can
go hold your daughters."
I carefully got up, moved slowly to
the wheel chair and sat down. She unhooked what she needed to and then wheeled
me to the nursery. They were both still sitting in the rocking chairs,
shirtless, with the babies on their chests. I didn't even want to make eye
contact with them because I was so mad. Ben immediately got up and came to me
with Jocelyn in his arms. He carefully placed her in mine and I put her up on
my chest so she could be comforted by the smell and feel of her Mommy. Ben
kneeled down in front of me and said, "I am so sorry Clarice. I never
meant to imply that Jocelyn is not your daughter too. She's just as much yours
as she is mine. I only get four weeks to spend with her before I have to be
gone for nearly three months. My agent contacted me to say the filming schedule
has been changed so I'll be going back to England sooner than I had planned.
I'm under contract so I can't just say no."
I just nodded my head in response
because I was fighting not to cry again. He stood back up and kissed my
forehead. He then asked a nurse if he would still be allowed to hold the baby
if he got dressed in his own clothes. She said the doctor hadn't left any
special instructions regarding handling the babies, so it was fine. He left to
go back to my room where he'd stored his clothes. I held Jocelyn for quite a
while; I had to finally give her up because it was time for a blood sample to
be taken for some tests. Ben returned by the time both babies had gone through
their blood samples so he was free to hold Jocelyn for a while again. Tom gave
me Morgana to hold while he went to change his clothes. It wasn't too much
longer before I had to go back to my room because I was exhausted. Tom was
staying the night in my room since there was a cot for him. Ben took the car
keys to go back to the beach house promising to be back by eight the next
morning. He was so exhausted he said he'd probably go right to bed as soon as
he got there.
***********
I was released from the hospital
after four days, but the twins stayed for three weeks. Ben only got one week
with Jocelyn at home before he had to go to England. I allowed him to
exclusively take care of her for the whole week. He did a wonderful job and
never once complained about being sleep deprived. Tom and I took turns with
Morgana while we had the chance. He did more than I did though; he kept
insisting I sleep as much as I could because it would be harder when Ben was
gone and we had both of them to care for. Besides, I was still recovering too.
The day finally came that Ben had to
go to the airport. He had given Jocelyn her bottle and changed her diaper. He
stood in the nursery, hugging her closely to his chest with tears running down
his cheeks while he repeatedly kissed her head. "I'm going to miss you so
much Princess," he said softly to her.
I stood in the doorway, fighting the
urge to cry too. "Well, look at that, Been-A-Dick really has a
heart."
He rolled his eyes and smirked at me
before saying, "I would think you had figured that out by now. As it is
though, fuck you!"
"I've done that already. That's
how you ended up a Daddy."
He let out an exasperated chuckle
and said, "You're a real handful, do you know that?"
I grabbed my own boobs and said,
"Two handfuls really!"
He laughed at that and said,
"Oh come here, you naughty girl!"
I went over to him and he hugged me
to him with his right arm. "I'm going to miss you as much as her. Oh,
Clarice, how will I ever replace you? You're a unique breed of bitch, you know
that?"
I laughed and said, "You don't
have to replace me Ben. I'm yours. I love you and you're the one I want to
marry and spend my life with."
He sighed. "Does Tom
know?"
"I haven't told him yet, but
he's not stupid. Ben, when you come back from England, will you marry me?"
"I thought I was supposed to
propose to you."
"When have I ever been
conventional?"
He laughed. "Good point. Yes,
Darling. I still love you and I want to be with you. If you have chosen me, I
gladly accept. I just ask that you let Tom down as gently as you can manage. He
is a good friend of mine and he's far more fragile than people realise."
"I won't be mean about it. You
should know me better than that."
He then handed me Jocelyn and said,
"Take good care of my princess. I want lots of pictures! FaceTime
too!"
"You know I'll take good care
of her. I'll send you a picture every day if you want."
He kissed her head again, kissed my
forehead and then left the room. Tom was driving him to the airport so I soon
heard the doors close as they left. I could see the car back out of the
driveway from the nursery window. Ben rolled down the car window so he could
wave good-bye. I waved from the nursery window and then they were gone.
Epilogue
